oh hey other blog. you’ve been lonely, haven’t you? i should really either update this...
oh hey other blog. you’ve been lonely, haven’t you? i should really either update this more or delete it.
i’ll be posting some DIY projects i’ve done today soon. super simple and cheap but it...
i’ll be posting some DIY projects i’ve done today soon. super simple and cheap but it really helps brighten up a space. :)
dear diary,
i applied to become a volunteer at a local women’s and children’s shelter. i’m waiting for the lady to email me back with the next orientation day. domestic violence is something i grew up with and it can feel like you are completely alone and hopeless. i generally don’t talk about where i volunteer or what i do on my spare time. people will just come up with bullshit to say about it but i don’t care. i volunteer for another organization that helps cancer patients and it is one of the most amazing things i’ve ever done. i always help out around thanksgiving and christmas when i can at our homeless shelter.
so there’s that side of taylor. not many people know about that. pay it forward.
dear diary,
i fucking can not stand whenever people tell me to “just stop picking” at my face… i obviously would stop picking if i could. i mean, i know that i can but there are times i can not pull myself away from the mirror. not to mention, i started a new face regimen and i look atrocious right now. my skin is fucking awful so of course i’m spending extra time picking. i’m fucking sick of it. i’m sick of being stressed out. i’m sick of my ocd. blehhhhh.
whiney post is whiney. i just wish i could keep my ocd and stress under control without medication.
time to get ready and spend the day with my favorite girl. :) have a wonderful day.
time to get ready and spend the day with my favorite girl. :)
have a wonderful day.
chloe and i are sitting on the couch getting her ready for bed and she grabs her belly and giggles...
chloe and i are sitting on the couch getting her ready for bed and she grabs her belly and giggles and says, “look momma! belly! mom… it’s fat!” and continues laughing.
you GUISE. did i really make this little nugget or am i being pranked because omgihitthejackpot.
chloe just looked herself in the mirror and said, “i love you!” and pointed to herself....
chloe just looked herself in the mirror and said, “i love you!” and pointed to herself. oh this is my child. there is no mistaking that.
dear diary,
took chloe for her 2 year check up today. she’s going to be taller than me when she’s like, 5. she’s already 2’11”. -_-
we had a really rough morning and i hesitating how she’d handle her 1 shot today. she was awesome to the doctor and said, “thank you” when he was walking out. the nurse came in to give her the shot and all she said was ow whenever it was done. thank goodness. then i built her a stool. now we’re eating lunch and coloring.
life is grand. i hope you’re having a great day too! <3
just enrolled Chloe in an infant swim class that will teach her how to hold her breath underwater,...
just enrolled Chloe in an infant swim class that will teach her how to hold her breath underwater, roll onto her back to float, rest and breathe, then roll back over to resume swimming until she can reach the side of the pool and crawl out.
i’m nervous but i believe in her.
dear diary,
it’s been a while since i posted something positive on this blog, hasn’t it?
well i’ve been home since late friday/early saturday morning and i was terrified chloe wouldn’t remember me. when i went to pick her up she was sound asleep. she woke up a little when i put her in her car seat so i kissed her and told her to go back to sleep. she really woke up and said, “mom” and then kept smiling the entire drive home. we spent all day yesterday and today together. tonight, she took a bubble bath and then i painted her toes pink. she keeps saying, “wow mom, pink and pretty!” i taught her the itsy bitsy spider song today and she’s been singing it all day. she is so smart. at random moments throughout the day she’ll stop what she’s doing and come up to me and hug me and give me a kiss. it makes my heart soar.
i am so blessed. i don’t know what i’ve done right to have been given the chance to have this sweet girl in my life but i thank whatever power gave me these moments.
dear diary,
i’ve noticed i’m losing a shit ton of followers on this blog after talking about my mom and her addiction. peace out motherfuckers. life is real.
mom has only been home a day and she’s used. i had dinner with them tonight and it was alright. i’m going to stay here tonight. i also need to work on moving back to portland but moving from florida to oregon is expensive as fuck. holy hell.
it’s insane how much addiction can change someone. she’s always been addicted to something but meth has completely changed who she is. she rocks back and forth now, her skin is disgusting, she’s missing all of her bottom front teeth. it’s a wicked drug, man. and it’s sad to look at her because i remember how insanely beautiful she was.
that’s all for now.
love,
taylor.
my mother checked herself out of rehab today. she’s home. typical.
my mother checked herself out of rehab today. she’s home. typical.
that was worse than i thought it would be. a lot worse. thanks for a the love and support. you guys...
that was worse than i thought it would be. a lot worse. thanks for a the love and support. you guys help me so much without even knowing it.
i don’t want to do this right now. i should have taken a shot or four before i got in the car....
i don’t want to do this right now. i should have taken a shot or four before i got in the car. this is stressing me the fuck out and i haven’t even seen her yet.
dear diary,
my sister and i have different fathers but the same momma. she graduated last night, as many of you know. my mom missed my graduation and she missed my sisters last night. that’s so sad to me as a mom. i will do everything i possibly can to see my children accomplish great goals.
anyways, my step dad came up to me after her graduation and said that we can go visit my mom on thursdays and saturdays. saturday we have plans already (oh man we have plans!) so i’m going tonight at 6pm to see her. it will be the first time in 4 years. i almost don’t want to but i know that it may be the last time i see her before she overdoses or kills herself. i couldn’t live with myself knowing i didn’t go when i could have.
we’ll see how it goes. i’ll let you know.
love,
taylor.
dear diary,
i’ve decided that i’m going to start making text posts that actually go into a bit more detail about me and my life. i’m just going to type. no editing. just raw emotion. i’ll title them dear diary, and i’ll always make them read more so that you have the option to read them or not read them. i am not looking for sympathy. i don’t want you to tell me that you’re sorry. i just want you to get a glimpse into my life and maybe get a better understanding of how i became the person i am today. here’s entry number one.
i’m not sure how to go about this without providing background info so i’ll just dive right into it. my mom has been on drugs since before i was born. mainly pain medications, muscle relaxers, etc. lately it’s gotten worse and she’s been doing meth. a lot of you know that i’m going to portland to see my little sister graduate. i’m also going because my mom is checking herself into rehab for the 100th time. she said that she would only go if i was there with her to check in. i promised her i would be. check in is tomorrow at 11:30. my flight doesn’t get in until 12:15. she tried to kill herself tonight and it’s my fault because i can’t be there. they had to shut down the elementary school because she had a gun and they closed off our street. my little sister said that there were probably 15 cops surrounding our house.
today is shit. i hate everything about it. i wish my mom would get better but she’s been doing this for so long that i know that’s a very slim chance.
i’m going to take a shower and head to sleep. i have an early flight to catch in the morning. thanks for reading this… if any of you are. if not, at least i got to type it out.
love,
taylor.
"it's raining! i don't know what to do! hurry up!"
"it's raining! i don't know what to do! hurry up!"- chloe
princess.
princess.
down 23 pounds and a few inches. good stuff.
down 23 pounds and a few inches. good stuff.
mhmm.
mhmm.
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